Two Peas In A Homocidal Pod
by LightenUpYaFreak
Summary: So a homocidal maniac walks into a warehouse...have you heard this one before? There was no Johnny The Homocidal Maniac Category on here so that's why it's not a crossover.


What happens when the Joker meets Johnny the Homicidal Maniac?

The Joker stomped from the warehouse, grumbling under his breath about stupid goons and glaring at the fresh blood stain on his sleeve. So of course he was too busy to notice the slim, dark shadow lurking behind his warehouse, which coincidentally was the Joker's destination.

As the Clown Prince of Crime rounded the corner, he ran smack dab into the same shadow mentioned earlier. Said shadow stumbled back, his taller yet slimmer frame making him a tad bit frailer than the Joker.

"Who're you!?" The Joker growled.

The shadow straightened and brushed off his shirt, looking rather annoyed. When he looked down at the Joker, he froze.

"I know you!" He yelled, stepping closer. He squinted down at the clown. "You're the Joker!" The shadow laughed.

"And what's so funny about that!?" The Joker snarled, really not in the mood to be messed with.

"Nothing nothing! Just thought that I'd never get the pleasure of meeting you in person."

"And why would you want to do that?"

"Well…because I'm Johnny. I do a lot of things that make people turn their heads."

The Joker snorted. "You?" He eyed the tall and paper-thin man (so to speak) before him.

Johnny stiffened. "Yes…me! You know, you're nothing but a comic, a TV show and a very demented actor from where I come from."

Joker snorted again, his trademark grin cracking his features. "Gee thanks."

Johnny grinned. "You're welcome."

The Joker stared at the man for a moment. He squinted, leaning closer. Johnny glanced at him nervously and shifted away.

"I thought you looked familiar!" Joker cried. "You're that Johnny dude from the comics…Johnny um…uh…."

"Johnny the Homicidal Maniac at your service."

"What are ya doing here?"

"No clue. Got bored and started walking."

"And you what…walked out of your comic?"

"Hey man, I'm Johnny. I can do what I want." Johnny paused. "Although I probably should be getting home. That wall was starting to dry when I left…"

"The wall was…what?"

"Drying. When the wall dries, out comes this HUGE monster a-"

"You're telling me that if you're wall dries, something's going to come out of it?"

"Yes."

The Joker snorted again. "And what do you paint it with?"

Johnny blinked at him. "Blood." He said, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

The Joker just looked at him…and then back into the forest.

"So," He said after a while. "I heard that you have some pretty interesting looks on life. Care to share?"

"You know what…?" Johnny grinned crookedly. "This might just be fun…"

-an hour later-

Johnny was describing a rather hilariously serious scene to the Joker…

"So she goes: 'My! You certainly are a wacky looking one!'" He laughs. The Joker raises his eyebrows. "Okay…" Johnny says, sobering up. "I'm going to make this easy. Just follow along if you can."

Woman: My! You certainly are a wacky looking one!

Johnny: Excuse me? What was that? Did you just say wacky?

Woman: Well yes. I was only commenting on your appearance. I would simply die if MY son looked as wacky!

Johnny: Wacky!? What the hell kind of word is that!? Wacky!?! I hate that word! Fewer words are as excruciatingly stupid! And used in description of me…!?!?

Boy: Hey! So she said wacky. So what? I mean, just look at you! Now shut up!

Johnny: You said it too! Fuck! You said THAT word! Of all the ass lancing words!! Oh you bleeding cracks! Without fail! Everytime I leave my house, it's as if I've given up my every right to be left alone or be treated with respect! You flies with your undying little minds! You think my difference from you is to comment on me as if I were on display for you! Like I'm the way I am because I want the incessant gawking of strangers! Not only that, but you used the word wacky!? I'll show you wacky!!

"Oh it was wonderful! There were screams and cries and begs for mercy all around!!"

"All because someone said wacky?" the Joker asked. He would never admit it, but he looked sane compared to this guy.

"Y-you…" Johnny's eye twitched. The Joker realized his mistake and roared with laughter. Johnny blinked at him.

"Wacky? Wacky, wacky, wacky, wacky, wa-gawk!"

Despite the fact that Johnny looked like the type of guy that lives off of just air and water and is leaner than a bean stock, he had the Joker pinned up against the warehouse in a matter of heart beats. The Joker has never been scared of anyone…and he wasn't scared of Johnny…just very cautious.

"STOP SAYING THAT FUCKING WORD!!!" Johnny screamed, his eye continuing to twitch.

The Joker knocked the taller man over the head with the hilt of his knife. Johnny went down.

The Joker slumped back into the warehouse and turned on the TV. The news blared out at him.

"…had spared no one, even going so far as to kill all the roaches in the kitchen. Police arrived to find him still in the restaurant, covered in gore and eating a taco. The killer, however escaped, disemboweling one officer with a plastic spork. There is no explanation for the rampage. One sickened officer was quoted saying: 'It was wacky!'"

The Joker cackled, his laugh drowned out by the screaming rage of Johnny the Homicidal Maniac, looking in one of his windows.


End file.
